3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The air taste purple.
Randomize
