You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
