And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am available for nakedness
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
