John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
