You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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