Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
