So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
