lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
