i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm just crazy horny about you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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