she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
