I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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