It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
