Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
