Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
