I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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Someone shattered a urinal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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