It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
