would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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