His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
