Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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