u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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