is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
