Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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