I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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