I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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