and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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