saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
