some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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