my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
