dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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