yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
