what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
