Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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