A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
