the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
