My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
