So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Floor bacon is actually really good
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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