I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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