i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
