Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
