Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
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He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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