SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
