...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
