sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
