I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
