Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
