We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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