I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
