thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
