He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
