They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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