Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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