my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
