I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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