I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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