Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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