woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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