just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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