Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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