Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
