He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
