he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize