i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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