HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
