hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
