He told me they were just razor bumps!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
