he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
