Sponge bath it is.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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