Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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