she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
